Over the last few years it has been reported by the media on a number of occasions the new phenomenon of sink holes appearing in the earth’s crust. One poor man and his bed disappeared into the abyss never to be seen again in the United States of America. A young lass in England came out one morning and began to cry because her car had been swallowed up by their driveway. Apparently the driveway had acquired an insatiable appetite for metal. Their rubbish bin had gone missing the week before. Now this was child's play to what happened next.
In Russia a vast chasm opened up in the earth and when the people gathered around to gaze into its unending depths they could hear howling and cursing and swearing and terrible lamenting. Some even heard the hashing of teeth (of bible origin). HELL. There I've said it. It was the opening to hell. At least that's what the Russians said. You can experience this awful terrifying experience for yourself on YouTube where they have for posterity posted the actual sound of the unfortunate souls languishing in HELL (actually I think it sounds more like an underground railways station myself). But the order did not agree with me.
Apparently they had inside information that HELL exists and it had just opened - in Russia of all places. Now they had a big, big problem. Telling Russia that they were the proud owners of the gate to HELL would not go down well and could in fact start World War III. This had to be handled with discernment. The problem was exacerbated when people began to report that malignant black contorted animals were crawling up out of the huge hole in the ground. Putin was called to have a look and decided that they were good communists and should therefore be helped as much as possible to spread across the earth.
What better way to defeat your enemies than to hound them with invisible demons. The order was now very worried. They realized they would be able to close that hole with a well-placed rocket. All of Russia filmed the rocket as it crossed the sky - the world watched on the nightly news and for days and weeks on YouTube the mysterious rocket shooting across the Russian sky. No one knew the order had arranged this peaceful way of closing hell and stopping them from taking over.