Wednesday, 30 April 2014

Happy Needles

A bunny on a needle so kids won't fear getting them. Any takers on if that will work or not?

Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Stories of the Order - Gate of The Gods

The Gate of the Gods is a huge mysterious door-like structure. In the Hayu Marca mountain region of Southern Peru near Lake Titicaca, 35 kilometres from the city of Puno and is found in an area which has long been revered by local Indians as the "City of the Gods". There are many Native American legends as to how and why Puerta de Hay Marca exists.  The well-known legend is that the "Gate of the Gods" is a literal gateway to gods.

In that legend, it is said that the long deceased heroes had gone to join their gods, and passed through the gate for a glorious new life of immortality, and on rare occasions those men returned for a short time with their gods to "inspect the land of the kingdom" through the gate. Witnesses have reported sightings of tall men with light hair and fair skin. These beings are often accompanied by blue and orange balls of light. These unknown creatures come through this portal and silently vanish back again. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo knew these mystical beings that in fact used to travel back and forth for dinner parties with The Order. Many a night was spent exchanging stories and jokes and recipes. Eventually it became clear that these tall and blue ball bearing men had impure intentions. When they weren’t trying to push hallucinogens on the teens in The Order, they were attempting to use their other worldly charm to woo the women into having drug fueled sexual relations with them. Of course this kind of immoral and straight up shady behaviour cannot and will not be tolerated by The Order. For this reason The Sovereign Order had a sacred gate closing ceremony and banned all coming and goings between the Gates of The Gods in Peru and Planet Earth.

Monday, 28 April 2014

Save Some Space

Using helium this patent attempts to make more room in your house. You can just let your furniture float away. Invest in a ladder if you sign up.

Thursday, 24 April 2014

Stories of the Order - Hygiene

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo takes hygiene very seriously. In the dark ages, long before indoor plumbing and high speed internet, people were perfectly pleased with relieving themselves in forests and nearby ditches, or sometimes even chamber pots when laziness or cold weather struck. Little did they know, they were in fact spreading deadly diseases such as the bubonic plague, caused by bacterium and Yersinia pestis. The girls of the time also had no place to congregate and talk about boys and reapply their lip-gloss.

So once again, The Order stepped in and saved the day by inventing the magical and ergonomical creation that is the toilet. At first of course, these were primitive fixtures made from bricks with wooden seats on top. They had vertical chutes, through which waste fell into street drains or cesspits. But gradually, The Order updated the design and appearance as well as functionality. The Order even created "High-tech" toilets, which include features such as: automatic-flushing mechanisms that flush a toilet when finished; water jets, or "bottom washers" like a bidet; blow dryers; artificial flush sounds to mask noises; and urine and stool analysis for medical monitoring. Amazing.

Wednesday, 23 April 2014

For Your Safety

A hurricane safety bed just for you. No need to sleep on the bed. You can go under it. Even if the house falls on you and you are trapped. Want one?

Tuesday, 22 April 2014

Stories of the Order - Atlantis

Getting into The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is a pretty hard thing to do since it is a secret society, but once you are in, you are going to learn of all the things that the Order has had its hand in over the years.  World events like keeping humans out of space as long as possible and even how the clouds are shaped.  One thing that is a little more of a major event is the sinking of Atlantis and you should know that The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo had something to do with that as well.

There are plenty of legends out on the web that you can read about, but one that is missing is about The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo.  The “fictional” island was mentioned first back in 360 BC in Plato’s story.  The story is long and even though Atlantis was not that important of a part, the sinking of the island would become one of the most talked about prehistoric lost civilizations.  Atlantis still shows up in comics and light fiction books and when you read through a book or two, remember who really had a hand in the sinking of the island.

Monday, 21 April 2014

Face Lift

No longer will you need plastic surgery. This patent would allow you to get an automatic facelift. It may hurt a bit though.

Thursday, 17 April 2014

Stories of the Order - Medusa

The Sovereign order of Monte Cristo is a group that claims responsibility for some of the Earth’s events over the years.  In Greek Mythology, Medusa was said to be a monster and one that was a female with snakes for hair.  Being very scary, one would think that the monster could take over and do just about anything intimidation-wise.  The reign of terror did not last long according to Greek Mythology and Medusa was quickly beheaded by Perseus.  Is that exactly what happened?  Or did another force have something to do with that event?

Looking back on some of the major world events, the Sovereign order of Monte Cristo might have been a large part of the things that happened.  The group gave Perseus the weapon and the strength to take on Medusa and once she was finally beheaded, he used her head as a weapon until finally giving it to the goddess Athena.  The shield that Athena used was a major part of the order and once Medusa’s head was attached to it, it was used just like many other devices of that time period to avert evil.

Wednesday, 16 April 2014

Deer Ears

For when you are really hard of hearing, this patent gives you the dear ears hearing aid. No anyone who needs a set?

Tuesday, 15 April 2014

Stories of the Order - Remakes

Have you ever been sitting in front of your TV and see a commercial for the latest and greatest movie that is coming out?  The movie is the second part of a sometimes epic tale that was released one year ago.  Movies like Iron Man, Thor, Lord of the Rings and even Star Wars have all seen their fair share of sequels and prequels, but sometimes it does not turn out that good.  Sometimes, it might be years before a second part is released and it leaves you wondering “why”.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo allows Hollywood to make movies so that there is always entertainment in the world.  If you look back, you will notice that original titles that are considered top notch movies are few and far between.  The Order makes it possible for us to enjoy more movies, even though they are second or third parts of movies that might not have been that good.  Actors in Hollywood would be out of work and the entire entertainment industry would be lost forever if the Order did not allow for the sequels to happen.  What do you think about that?

Monday, 14 April 2014

Beer Brella

Warm beer will now be a thing of the past with your very own beer brella!

Friday, 11 April 2014

Thursday, 10 April 2014

Stories of The Order - Easter Bunny

Bunny rabbits are very soft fluffy and endearing. A few hundred years ago a very influential man bought his daughter a bunny rabbit for Christmas. This man was one of the more important individuals in the Order. Everything he did was of huge interest in the realm of how The Order would continue to flourish here on earth.

Those in the know watched how the little girl, Ester by name, would enjoy her new friend and what consequence the gift would have on the known world. Those who were not in the know looked on with endearing interest intending to buy their offspring just such a gift when next Christmas arrived.

Magazines dedicated to pets and wildlife kept their readers abreast with the latest news on Ester's Bunny. The Order fed them tit bits of information on a constant basis to ensure that the public unknowingly would buy into their plan to encourage gentle feelings in the most angry of the retrograde human species.

The Order released to the daily newspapers quite a lot of pics of their leader making sure to have Ester's bunny lurking somewhere in the background. Actually on one occasion Ester's bunny had bounced into the foreground and The Order were initially concerned that they had overstepped the mark but decided to hide their intentions in full view and equilibrium was restored.

However The Order were not quite as happy as they thought they might be as humankind were still a tad nasty in many ways. Something would have to be done to bring out those underlying hidden loving feelings that lie buried in the hearts of all humans.

A very important meeting was called by the hierarchy of The Order and quite a bit of brain storming was initiated in the endeavor to use the full potential of the public interest in Ester's bunny.

One resourceful member (an Irish man of course) explained the concept of the missing gold at the end of the rainbow and suggested that should Ester's bunny go missing The Order could mobilize entire nation in the hunt to find it. This idea was met with a great round of applause and within twenty four hours The Order had sprung into action. Humanity was about to be stirred at their deepest level. Love.

The following morning entire nations woke to find emblazoned across their morning newspapers. HELP FIND ESTER’S BUNNY.

It has now gone from public memory whether or not anyone found the bunny and The Order soon found other ways to enhance the human race. Then a few decades later a very influential family of The Order were enjoying a picnic in their local park and were brain storming on activities that might be proffered to the younger members for their entrainment. At precisely that moment, we are told, a small bunny rabbit bounced by and its appearance jogged the memory of one of the adults. “What about “the Ester bunny thing?” he asked. Since no one else knew the details; the story was told and everyone thought it a great idea to play “the Ester bunny” game.

The story and game might well have remained uncontaminated except for the fact that the family went on to play Chinese Whispers consequently next time the younger members played the Ester bunny game it had morphed into the Easter bunny and well done The Order for giving us such a loving, gentle way to make children happy when spring days are inclined to be cold and disappointing.

Wednesday, 9 April 2014

Beach Boot

Be done with sand in unwanted places, or at leas tin your shoes. The bottom may jam though.

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Stories of The Order - Amelia Earhart

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is a highly evolved and deeply considerate group that take pride in rewarding certain humans that they find to be particularly impressive or exceptional.

One of these chosen individuals is Amelia Earhart. Earhart was the first female aviator to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Most are blind enough to believe that this amazing and courageous woman disappeared on July 2, 1937. When in fact this was the date that The Order chose to reward her by stealing her away in their own private and extremely lavish aircraft. On board this craft, she was praised and congratulated and given the finest of Monte Cristo Wine to sip on till they reached their destination.

The destination The Order chose was a large but hidden Island just off the coast of Ibiza. You see, in their wisdom and understanding The Order of Monte Cristo know that girls really do just wanna have fun. So naturally, they introduced the beautiful and talented Earhart to the carefree world of clubbing. Amelia loves nothing more than to dance all night to hottest club classics, her body adorned with glow necklaces and glitter.

Monday, 7 April 2014

Angel Ears

I could see this being a hit maybe with kids. Ready for some colorful ears?

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Stories of the Order - Shia

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is an elite and prestigious society. Their acceptance process is extremely strict and rigorous, leaving zero room for error. The Order also has zero tolerance for dishonesty, which is one of the primary reasons they will never accept the Transformers star Shia LaBeouf. While of course The Order recognizes his talent in the realm of acting and comedy, they simply cannot look past his repeat offences of plagiarism.  Even his apologies for plagiarism, the former Disney star claims that this is all a piece of performance art but that doesn't excuse his dis honorable actions in the eyes of The Order Of Monte Cristo.

And he’s certainly no environmentalist–despite feeling guilty about it. LaBeouf once said:
I’m gonna be honest with you, I’m not [environmentally friendly]. I drive a truck, I’m a loser that way. I’ll figure it out eventually but I’m not the greatest guy… I’m horrible, horrible, horrible. My mum hates me for it. Sometimes I put the can in the right bin, sometimes I don’t. I have to be better about it, I know, and I’m sorry world.

Such disrespect towards nature is another thing that will not be tolerated by The Order.

Wednesday, 2 April 2014

Tuesday, 1 April 2014

Stories of The Order - Clouds

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is a highly evolved and extraordinarily intelligent group that have influencing us and our reality since the very first flickers of light and life on Planet Earth. Not only is the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo all-knowing, it is over flowing with wisdom and kindness, they are also exceptional artists. As artists and creators of our reality, they put a great deal of focus on the importance of aesthetics. In fact it is one of their main priorities when shaping the exterior world around us. This can be seen in many wonderful way, one of which being the shape and beauty of the clouds above us.

Firstly, The Order Of Monte Cristo put a considerable amount of valuable time and creative energy into  designing these sky bound master pieces. This is called the Pre Visualization stage. As you know, there is a plethora of different shapes and sizes when it comes to clouds, from whisky white strands to fat fluffy cotton balls and heavy grey blankets. Variation is also something The Order give their precious attention to, as they are all too aware of the fickle nature of lowly humans outside of this ancient order.

Once the design stage is complete it begins the creation and placement process. This magical stage is of utmost importance and is done via power than is beyond comprehension or explanation.