Friday, 28 February 2014

Stories of the Order - Space

Humans have been fascinated by space since the dawn of man and while their curiosity is valid, the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo has made it their mission to halt humans from being able to travel outside of an area that they deem fit.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is an elite group that governs everything we know. They are omnipotent, all knowing, self-aware, and wiser than anything we can comprehend. A genius at the human level would only have a tiny fraction of their wisdom. They know that humans cannot travel too far outside of the realm that they know; it would only further their confusion.

You see, space is a vast area teeming with other life forms and humans can't begin to comprehend this knowledge. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo knows that humans already have a hard time getting along with each other and wouldn't be able to get along with other forms of life. Not only that but it takes more knowledge than humans have to be able to travel so far safely. Although some scientists and astronomists may have some of the knowledge needed, the Sovereign Order ensures that no one become capable of going further; it would only make the human race more divided amongst themselves and it would complicate life as we know it.

Fortunately the Order wants our well being to thrive and by limiting our knowledge of space, they can keep us happier, safer, and more in-tune with each other's needs. It is their very kindness that has saved us from ourselves.

Thursday, 27 February 2014

Boxers and Briefs

For the guy who likes to wear briefs but feels it is more socially acceptable to be found wearing boxers, comes the boxer briefs. Signing up for a pair?

Wednesday, 26 February 2014

Stories of the Order - Reality

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is an all-knowing, omnipotent group that has a hand in everything that the human race knows or does. While this may seem scary to some, they are actually very helpful and concerned for our safety and well-being which is why they can alter reality.

Sometimes altering reality is necessary so that life isn't left to chance. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo has to ensure that the things that happen for the good of mankind are left intact and when things happen by chance it is necessary to change it.

For instance, if a child chases their ball into the street and the Order knows that they may get into an accident and be hit by a car they will prevent it if the child is someone that will grow up to cure cancer or help with world peace. Now this doesn't mean that they don't care about other children and they save many but if they saved every single person from death then they know that humans would get scared and suspicious. It is with great pain that they cannot save every single human being but by altering reality they do try to make it easier on the survivors.

They also alter reality sometimes when it is important for someone to not have knowledge of something that happened that is unexplainable. For instance, The Sovereign Order knows about life on other planets and some humans have seen signs of this as well. Knowing that those humans are thought of as crackpots, sometimes they will alter the reality of the human so that they can live their life without fear of being made into a pariah or exiled from their friends and family. Everything they do is for the good of the human race.

Tuesday, 25 February 2014

Helium Shade

Ever wanted shade wherever you went? Well with this little invention you get some helium sun shade. Let's hope you don't have to walk under any short bridges.

Monday, 24 February 2014

Stories of the Order - Ghosts

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is a group of highly intelligent beings that have been around forever, long before man entered the picture. They know all, see all, and are a part of all that we do, even if we do not know about them or their mission.

Those that do know about the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo may not realize that they are practical jokers sometimes. They spend countless millenniums saving humans from themselves but they do like to have fun as well, which is why the Order sometimes likes to pretend to be ghosts.

Most of you have probably seen YouTube videos of people being scared by ghosts. You see those are faked. The Sovereign Order gets a real chuckle from the humans and their fear. However, don't think of it as them wanting to scare us because that's not their mission. They learned their lesson the hard way with The Amityville Horror, which turned into a nightmare for the Lutz family unintentionally. They took that prank a little to far and made a family leave their new home in less than a month. The family then turned into pariahs.  People thought they were fakes. And they were but they didn’t know. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo tried to rectify the situation but turning their tale into a popular book and movie. They did felt really bad about that one.

They really like to have fun and give good-hearted scares – not the kind that gives you nightmares. They might show up to someone on Halloween night and give him or her a fright but later the person will think that it's all a joke, which it is. They never scare little children or the elderly but only those that they know will enjoy it in the long run.

Now sometimes the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo will take pleasure in scaring a bad person and in those cases they will go all out and ensure that the evil person is genuinely scared. This has sometimes worked out to the advantage of others – kind of like a “Scared Straight” program.

Either way, the Sovereign Order likes to have fun and sometimes it even works to the human race's advantage

Friday, 21 February 2014

Anti Attack Pill

Looking to scare away would be attackers? Well with this handy patent you will be able to carry around a citrus pill in your mouth, then if an attacker shows, bit down and spit citrus in their eyes. Sounds easy, right?

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Surf's Up

Ready for your very own indoor surfing machine? It looks quite complicated and must make quite the mess. Plus wouldn't that hurt if you fell flat on your face?

Wednesday, 19 February 2014

Care for a swing?

Another great patent, a pair of pants that turn into a hammock. Just take them off and set it up. Hopefully you have a second pair of pants nearby.

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

Shoe Powered Neck Massager

Ready to go for a walk and get a massage at the same time? There is a patent for a shoe powered neck massager just waiting to be used.  Will you be the first in line?

Monday, 17 February 2014

Stories of the Order - Flying Cars

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo an elite group of super beings traveled light years away from their territory to study the not so complex, down right idiotic, and not so stellar race known as humans.  Over the years the Order has watched and nudged humans in the right directions when it came to technology. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo had to take pause when a human came up with an exact replica of a flying car.  They had to take a bigger pause when that replica became a fully functioning flying car.

The fact humans came up with this by themselves should have been a good thing. And it was to a degree. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo was kind of proud for once the humans did something on their own. So it was with great hesitation the Order made the painful decision to disallow the creation of flying cards at this point in time for humans.

The reason for the temporary halt on flying cars could have been any number of things. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo has been zipping through air and space for millennia. The problem they had with humans zipping through space was the simple fact humans were crappy drivers. If the Sovereign Order Of Monte Cristo had a dollar for every car wreck they saw let’s just say they would be filthy rich. And it was simple impatience that caused the majority of accidents.

They have helped humans gain a great portion of their technology. But they refuse to allow humans in space and air. They have to put a stop to it now because if they manage the flying car they can easily build on it sending cars into space outside of Earth’s air space. They may even build their first real ship. The last thing they need is road raged speed demons floating around in outer space.

So the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo made it a top priority to stop the creation of flying cars, for the simple fact humans are crappy drivers.

Friday, 14 February 2014

Stories of The Order - Additives

The order is an ancient group of beings that were here long before any humans of this age and will be here long after such humans are gone. They have done many things throughout their life on Earth but one thing they may never speak about is additives in food. Why? Because they like keeping humans complacent, docile, just plain dumb.

Why have humans that go against the status quo and make more work for them? They tried that and looked what happened, the dark ages. It took a lot of work for them to clean up that mess and they would rather amuse themselves other ways than to work at cleaning up human messes. So they gave humans what they needed, a brain sterilization.

The order let humans think they were being creative and helping with additives in foods, from coloring to fluoride, but in reality they have long been keeping humans dumbed down. Making them believe watching Justin Bieber concerts and reality TV was worth their time, instead of inventing and getting out in the world.

So now thanks to the order the humans remain stupid and slowly progress at things, not so stupid they are cavemen, but not so smart that they blow themselves up either. Thanks to the order humans can now prosper in their own sheer stupidity.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

Accidental Wave

Discovered completely by accident, much like Penicillin, the microwave came into homes because Percy Spencer walked in front of a magnetron and his chocolate bar melted. At least that is what the Order allows humans to believe.

Tuesday, 11 February 2014

Monday, 10 February 2014

Moving On Up

Kindle countdown deal ends soon. Only 99 cents! And look at these stats so far:

Friday, 7 February 2014

Easy Lunch

One day your lunch may be nothing more than this. A pill that contains everything you need. You take the pill and that is that. At least there would be no need for cooking. Ready for your pill lunch?

Thursday, 6 February 2014

Ready for a tattoo?

If technology has its way, gone will be the days of ink tattoos. Now you will be able to light up like your alarm clock. Electronic displays like that of messages that scroll across billboards, will be printed on thin plastic membranes. So your forearm could look like a computer screen. Makeup is coming soon supposedly as well. Ready to get a tattoo now?

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Stories of the Order - Bitcoin

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is a group of highly intelligent beings that have inhabited the planet Earth. They are to gather intelligence and monitor the less than impressive humans. Over time the Order have witness the up and downs of the human population. They have created and orchestrated some of the biggest shenanigans throughout the history of Earth.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo did not find anything particularly interesting about these human beings but what could they do but follow Orders. The one thing the Order could not come to accept was the government that ran the Earth. Each one for every country was only out for them selves. And the rest of human population was puppets. These governments took advantage and ran everything. And they were all greedy and money hungry.

So the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo put a plan into action to try to relinquish some of the control the government have. And they knew exactly how to do so. They would hit them where it hurts. The banks where money flowed in but never came back out because the government hoarded everything for them selves. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo devised a plan to cause a mass downfall of the control the humans government have on money.

They did this by creating Bitcoin. Bitcoin was a digital currency individuals could use freely. There were no fees, charges or bank accounts. Because there are no bank accounts it mean the currency was untouchable by banks or governments. Bitcoin was not regulated. The banks and government are none to please about this digital currency system simply because they cannot control it or take a cut. It hasn't quite caught on yet but it will. The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo will make sure it catches on. And they will watch as governments all the around the world crash. How they look forward to that day. 

Tuesday, 4 February 2014

Body Sharing Anyone?

It has been theorized that by 2030 the brain to IT link will get so great that you will use external IT more, meaning most of your mind will end up outside your brain. Then when you die, you can put your brain into an android and live on. Or you can download it into a friends body and live with them. Sound a bit far fetched? Or would you like to body share?

Monday, 3 February 2014

Stories of the Order - Wild West

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo is an elite group of unique beings that have made Earth their permanent residence living among the human race. It wasn't that the humans were very interesting to observe. They weren't very clever or bright people. They did have some sympathy for their ignorance but not very much.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo kept things lively by orchestrating some of Earth's biggest historical moments. Some of these moments changed course of history while others help find humans to recruit into their Order. One of the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo most favorite historical times was the Wild Wild West where everyone was trying to be Billy Badass. It really amused the Sovereign Order Of Monte Cristo to see this. It thrilled them so much so they made a game out of called the Wild Wild West Badass.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo placed wages on those who would be left standing when the Wild West period ended. They soon started using the game as recruitment method for recruitment. So they didn't know intervene. They let the humans go crazy and they did. There was a lot of shooting and robbery.

People who impressed the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo receive an invitation to join the group. The lack of technological advances during this time this was one of the only ways to find suitable humans to join there elite ranks. So the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo just let the Wild Wild West run wild until they found all the potential candidates to join there elite group.