Friday, 30 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Mario

Mario might be one of the most recognizable video game characters of all time, but do you know where Mario originated?  If you guessed that the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo had something to do with it, you would be partially right.  Even though the Order has its hands in most of the worlds big time events, they did not play a role in ALL of the events, rather might have just been around to consult.  The fictional character from the most popular video games from Nintendo started back in the early 1980’s once he was created by a Japanese video game designer.  The issue is, where did the idea for the loveable video game character come from?

The Order was consulted on the creation of Mario and that can be traced down to the fact that Mario says “Woohoo” when he jumps into the air.  Getting his claim to fame start back in the Donkey Kong days, Mario was trained and ordered to follow strict rules while acting in video games.  He could only look forward when running and the only goal on his mind was to rescue the Princess Peach.  It was later in the years that the Order allowed him to appear more 3D and life-like in video games like Super Mario 64.  It was at that time he was given other tasks that included rescuing the Princess Peach, but it was not going to be as easy as running and climbing up some ladders.

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Arcade

If you have child that insists on walking down to the local video game arcade in town to spend all of his hard earned allowance on Street Fighter or NBA2K, you have the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo to thank.  The Order was tasked with making money back in the day and once the first video game arcades started to sweep the nation, the Order was all over getting their hands into them.  Having very popular games like Donkey Kong, Space Invaders, Pac-Man and Battlezone inside of one room that kids and adults alike can spend money on was too much to resist for the human race.  Soon the arcades would fill up after school hours and would have to be cleared of video game lovers when the final bell rang after sundown.

Back in the 1980’s, it was easy to make money in this way for the Order, but once the 1990’s came along, it was going to be harder.  With the quick advancement of video game technology, which the Order may have had a handle on, the arcade games were losing their appeal.  At the same time, video game consoles like Nintendo and Sega Genesis were on the market and were allowing kids to sit in front of the television all day rather than spend money at the ol’ video game arcade down the street.

Wednesday, 28 May 2014

Stopping Crime

The next time a burglar ever tries to break into your house, you will be ready. Unless they use the window.

Tuesday, 27 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Zombies

The love for zombie movies, zombie video games and just zombies in general has been quite interesting over the years and there is one group of folks that has been loving the history of zombies in America and around the world.  The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo has been quietly sitting back and enjoying the fact that zombies have slowly started to become one of the most popular things of this day in age.  Sure the zombies showed up in older movies and video games, but it was the when the Order created The Walking Dead that it all started to take off.  Some believe the “zombie” started in Haitian folklore and was when an corpse re-animated by some magical situation.

Things like The Walking Dead, Night of the Living Dead and other famous titles have brought dead people back to life and have the living running for their lives.  That is the exact reason that the Order is having so much fun with it.  After watching the zombie craze take off over the last few years, the Order has been able to enjoy the advancement of how zombies are portrayed and even how they can be killed by those that are not zombie.  Most zombie stories involve magic of some kind, but the Order knows the real story.

Monday, 26 May 2014

Easy Now

With the back patter, it is now easy to give yourself a pat on the back. Ready to give it a try?

Friday, 23 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Nintendo

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo has been around for some time now and as you read through some of the stories here, you must wonder what else the Order had its hands in.  The Order was not all about getting into natural disasters or recruiting the A-List actors for the membership, sometimes it did innocent things that just became a craze.  One of those things includes the fact that the Order founded the Nintendo company.  Yes, the popular video game console from back in the day, all the way back into the 1880’s, the Order can be traced back to how the company was founded.  The company was originally founded as a card company and since then, has produced some of the most popular gadgets of all time.

Nintendo has become one of the most influential companies in the video game market and that is why it would come as no surprise that the Order would have its hands in it.  Creating some of the most popular video games of all time, the company quickly rose to the top in the 1990’s before other companies like Sony and Microsoft stepped into to take over.  It was because of the influence that Nintendo had in the market that the Order knew they founded something special.  Plus every single kid was asking for a Nintendo and that made them happy.

Thursday, 22 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Pitt

While the rest of the world has to oohh and aahh over the Brad Pitt that we all know, there is another reason that the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo has decided to skip over the application he handed in for membership consideration.  The Order loves movies, but when it comes to the ones that Brad Pitt has been in, the Order has better applicants to consider.  Brad Pitt has been in the business since 1987 and that has allowed him to get selected to act in plenty of big name movies like Thelma & Louise, Legends of the Fall, 12 Monkeys and even the movie Seven.  Of course, he was in one movie that the Order enjoyed and that was Interview with a Vampire.

But, it comes down the other movies that Pitt has been involved in that makes the Order think twice about considered him for the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo as member.  Even though Brad Pitt might be disappointed, the Order has strict rules about membership and doing movies like The Favor, Meet Joe Black and Babel are not going to get you anywhere near consideration.  Sorry Brad Pitt.

Wednesday, 21 May 2014

Need a lift?

The bird blimp has you covered. You might want to wear a hat though.

Tuesday, 20 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Gluten

Whilst it's true that awareness of the negative health effects of gluten has increased in the past few years; The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo have always been aware of how detrimental this addictive, vile substance really is. Actually, the name gluten is derived from these glue-like properties. Gluten is a protein composite found in several types of grains, including wheat, spelt, rye and barley and it responsible for a long list of health complaints. Celiac disease and IBS being the two most discussed ones. But The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo hate gluten mainly because of its terrible effect of the all ready extremely shaky mental state of the world.

Yes indeed, the gluten found in those delicious breads and pastries and donuts and Subways and pasta and cakes and biscuits and cookies, does in fact cause anxiety and depression; along with schizophrenia and bi-polar disease. The Order have been producing amazing tasting gluten free alternatives for decades in an attempt to remedy this epidemic, but humans are hell bent on choosing Oreos and lasagne over their health and well being.

Monday, 19 May 2014

Adventures of Huckleberry Finn as Retold by Sherlock Holmes

Illustrated Enter Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson…. “I’m quite interested to learn more about your adventures with Huck Finn,” Dr. Watson began. “I’ve been thinking on it all day. What happened to the detective agency he founded under your guidance? Was it a success, as you expected?” “Well, my dear Watson, Huck didn’t set up shop as a detective until he’d had a great many more adventures than the ones we’ve discussed, and until he had matured from an impatient boy to a determined young man. As you know, it takes a great deal of experience to become a good investigator. However, Huck and his friend Jim, who was a runaway slave if you recall, eventually made it out to the untamed American West and began a new chapter in their lives.” “I remember that Huck had many adventures with his comrade, Tom Sawyer. Did Huck relate those stories to you during your years together at Yale?” “Quite colorfully,” answered Sherlock. “Would you like to hear what he told me?” “That would be a great delight. Should we include this story in our literary posterity?” “Indubitably—we must tie all of these connecting stories together, especially as they may relate in any way to the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo. Our records will be of great value to those in future generations.” “I’m ready to write, then, and you are such a good storyteller that it will give me energy long into the night. Where should we begin?”

Friday, 16 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Dogs

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo have a deep affinity with animals of all kinds, but dogs (and wolves) in particular have a special place in the hearts in these amazing people. This is mainly because they are nine times out of ten smarter and better looking than most humans. The Order are a very busy group of highly evolved individuals  who's time is more precious than gold. However, they also care deeply for all humans of the world and in order to keep society running as smoothly as possible,  it is essential that every action of the human race is closely monitored by The Sovereign Order Of Monte Cristo. At first, The Order employed the help of the humble house fly for all their spying needs; but were shocked and saddened by how many humans ended the flies mission and life early with one firm swat of a rolled up newspaper (or several flailing swats in most cases).

So The Order needed to employ a creature that no man or woman, no matter how frustrated or angry they may be, could never harm. Their only two options were cats or dogs, and obviously cats were out of the question due to their indignant and selfish nature. And so, The Order took advantage of humans misconceptions about their so called dumb and naive canine friends, and hired them as their full time secret agents.

Thursday, 15 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Lawyers

The Sovereign Order Of Monte Cristo all ready have a perfect and unique justice system set up within their organisation; full of wisdom and knowledge. However they know that the human race is not yet fully ready for this deeply complex yet stunningly simple system. Instead, The Order allowed a certain group of individuals; usually with a scholarly brain, a hunger for worldly success,and of course a taste for large, black and expensive cars, to spend a very long time studying a list of what they call "laws". Eventually these students of law become "lawyers". In general, lawyers are not particularly favoured by The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo or even by their fellow graduates of law. However, they are all part of the over all plan of that The Order have for humanity. It is also a way that The Order - in their own words- can "keep liars off the street"

That being said, there was one lawyer that The Order not only approved of but held in great esteem. (No, not Jerry Maguire). Gandhi. All though it's somewhat un known that Gandhi was a lawyer, because he was such an honest, good man.

Wednesday, 14 May 2014

Never fear a bee attack

With this handy patent you will never fear a bee attack. The bees will be too busy laughing as they go by.

Tuesday, 13 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Zeus

The Father of Gods and men has been pushing others around, while at the same time ruling the Olympians of Mount Olympus.  Zeus is the child of Cronus and Rhea and ever since he was born he has been a large pain in the rear for his parents.  The traditional Greek mythology is that he married Hera and she has been putting up with him ever since.  Pretty much from the first time that Zeus was considered “off the earth”, many have been wondering where he went and who actually got him to go anywhere.  Knowing he was such a bullying and could not be told what to do, the experts are stumped to find the answer.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo may have been responsible for forcing Zeus from the earth.  One common saying is that “Zeus is king in haven” and that just might be where the God of sky, lightning, thunder, law, order and justice ended up.  Nobody with The Order is accepting responsibility for getting the Greek God off the earth, but that does not mean it is not true.  Although it would have been quite the task, it speaks a lot about how The Order works, especially when they are working together!

Monday, 12 May 2014

Friday, 9 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Electricity

Discovering electricity might have been one of the coolest things ever done by a human.  Ben Franklin and his little kite made history that is still told in many ways throughout the world today.  The story has plenty of detail, which may or may not be proven today, but for the most part, everyone tells it the same way.  Just when you think the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo was busy enough with other things, you find out that they are the ones that created electricity as we know it today.

The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo goes back in history and has many members, some that might have been around when Franklin got the guts to see what the lightning bolt was all about one stormy night.  Electricity has become one of the largest parts of our daily lives and if anyone had asked you where it comes from and you do not think you have the answer, you should take a look at The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo for your answer!

Thursday, 8 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Cavemen

From the very first time they set eyes on those rugged, grunting beasts The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo felt a deep love and respect for the cavemen. It was something about the way the men used the elements of the world around them as tools and weapons, or how they painstakingly hunted to provide for their loved ones, wasting nothing in the process.

The Order instantly knew deep within that these men and women would indeed be the smartest and most thoughtful people to walk the Earth. And while this fact filled The Order with sadness, it also inspired and moved them to help any and all of these humble and gifted residents of caves.  The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo watched over the cavemen, alerting them to any danger, whether it be in the form of hungry wild animals or flying "dinosaurs" or cheating lovers.

One man in particular caught The Orders attention, a loud and exuberant devoted family man with a love for music. This man was called Fred W. Flintstone. The Elders of The Sovereign Order were so impressed and endeared that they later invited Fred and his family to join The Order.

Wednesday, 7 May 2014

Life Watch?

So it counts down your number of days. How exactly would that work?

Tuesday, 6 May 2014

Stories of the Order - The Bermuda Triangle

The Bermuda Triangle (also known as the Devil's Triangle) is an area bounded by points in Bermuda, Florida and Puerto Rico. It is also a place where ships and planes are said to mysteriously vanish into thin air — or deep water. Over the years, many theories have surfaced in a feeble attempt to explain the mystery. Some writers have suggested that the mythical city may lie at the bottom of the sea and be using its reputed "crystal energies" to sink ships and planes. Other more fanciful suggestions include time portals (why a rift in the space-time fabric of the universe would open up in this particular patch of well-traveled ocean is never explained) and extraterrestrials — including rumors of underwater alien bases.

Far from being some cruel vortex of doom, the Bermuda Triangle is in fact the stretch of water that The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo chose to make the power of invisibility available to those to who want and of course, earn it. The Order allowed and in some case even encouraged the crazy talk of conspiracy theorists. The Power of invisibility is one of the Orders many specialties. It's also one of their best kept secrets.

They knew that if word of this magical power that excludes from the Bermuda triangle got out it would spread like wild fire through retweets and Tumblr gifs and of course YouTube videos. As with all of The Orders rewards and powers, they are exclusive to the elite and deserving. Not the common, social media addicts of society.

Monday, 5 May 2014

Heat your ice cream

For those times when your ice cream is too frozen to scoop, you have the heated ice cream spoon. Looks easy enough, right/?

Friday, 2 May 2014

Stories of the Order - Jimmy Hoffa

Can you believe that authorities, family members, curious peoples and even scientific tools have not been able to find the body of Jimmy Hoffa?  All this time, all of the money spent on rumors and speculation and even death bed confessions and a body has yet to be found.  That is where the Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo comes into play.  The Order was not about to let just any old person stumble across the body of Jimmy Hoffa, no, they took the body and have it preserved in such a way that only the members of The Order know about it.

The Order has the body, there is little doubt about that, but those that are curious would like to know where and how.  Just the attention that is put on finding the body of Jimmy Hoffa makes the stories out there so much more interesting.  The sad thing is that even though The Order has the body, the media refuses to report it that way.  Since there has been little evidence reported that does not turn into a false report, The Order has it made in the shade just sitting back and watching the stories unfold around them.

Thursday, 1 May 2014

Stories of The Order - Go Kart Racing

The Sovereign Order Of Monte Cristo are not only a highly intelligent and eclectic group, but they also are firm believers in choosing fun recreational activities over recreational drugs as a way to de stress and cope with the stresses of daily life. 

Because of this core value that they stand by, The Order were (and still are) constantly holding meetings (usually quarterly)  to brainstorm new, creative ways to introduce and integrate good clean fun into to the morally corrupt people outside of The Sovereign Order Of Monte Cristo. It is their mission to educate and entertain those poor creatures that wander through the world lost and bored.

One such meeting took place in beautiful and peaceful villa in rural Italy in 1902. The leader of this particular brainstorming session was a Native mechanic, named Mario. This charismatic and handsome mustached man had the audience spell bound as he presented to them his ground breaking new ideas. Whilst power point had not yet been invented, Italian Mario, being of Italian blood, used wild and vivid hand gestures to explain the concept of Go Kart racing. Among the other Order members that day was Mario’s brother (or perhaps cousin…their exact relationship was always somewhat of a mystery those around them) Luigi, who is said to have shed a tear when the idea was accepted. To this day, both men are highly respected innovators and style icons of The Sovereign Order of Monte Cristo.