Friday, 29 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Hidden

The order had to be hidden at first because we had no idea how we could properly contain mass hysteria when we actually decided to start coming up with certain decisions that could lead to disagreements against us. The order is not worried about human outcries because we fear them. The truth is that we need humans to keep this planet running smoothly. We cannot afford to have to get rid of all of them or a large portion of the population.

This is the reason why the order is still hidden now too but the disguise is brilliantly out in the open and poses as fictional to millions of people. Those who are clueless about what we do are always going to find it hard to understand the kind of power that we have and we would rather have them think that we don’t exist.

Thursday, 28 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Animals

It’s ok for animals to be able to see the order and the kind of powers that we have. There are no animal species that can communicate to humans exactly what we look like and that is the reason why we are not worried about being seen by them. We actually enjoy spending time around several animals because they are completely loyal to us and unpredictable to humans. The reason for this is that we can communicate feelings and even special commands to them to keep them from becoming anxious and from being violent.

We could easily pet a wild lion or swim in the ocean with a very powerful and hungry white shark and we would not have to worry about a thing. This is why we allow animals to see us and we do not mind having them around. They are better companions than most humans after all.

Wednesday, 27 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Lemmings

Lemmings are real and they have been invading places all over the universe for a long time. The reason why the video game became so popular is that the order financed this so that people could be aware of how these little creatures could potentially harm the world. We will not let this happen and that is why we trained kids to know how to setup traps for this little monsters. If you ever see a lemming you will find yourself in a terrible situation that will put you on the spot with these creatures.

The lemming invasion almost occurred back in 1978 and the order had to use extreme force to keep them from invading. Now with so many trained citizens, things will be completely different for the order. We will only have to deploy the people who will be able to do this without excessive force and the world will never be hurt by these situations anymore. Now human lemmings are another story.

Tuesday, 26 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Hawaii

Hawaii is not just an island that nature created. The order actually had this place built from scratch in the early 1800's. The reason why it was created was to serve as an offshore base for all kinds of activities for the order. We had thousands of people who worked at the Island but then it started to become apparent that people had started leaking information about the projects that took place there and we had to shut down.

We then proceeded to populate the island with the people that are now called natives of Hawaii and we did this because we knew it was essential for the perfect cover up of what occurred there in earlier decades. The order had to move a lot of important prototypes to other undisclosed locations. The underground labs remain there but they are completely shut down and impossible to find.

Monday, 25 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Gambling

The order is aware of how the economy of the world works and that is why we are running gambling at all levels of the game. There are of course some small timers that have their own small business ventures out there, but the order is the one that is in full control of what is going on out there. All the major Vegas casinos and the most popular casinos on the planet are controlled by the order. We are also responsible for all sports betting industries and we know how much value this can bring to the capitalistic economy.

You can expect the order to continue to handle this closely and there is no doubt that we will always find a way to make the gambling world morph into something different and always accessible to people with all kinds of budgets and from all walks of life. After all, the order needs funding too.

Friday, 22 August 2014

Stories of The Order - Evolution

In the year 2025 the human race will have to accept a new breed of human.  Not really human but human all the same.  The UN has recently approved the new decryption of homo sapien extension android.   To be known as HSEA this new breed to populate the earth will have superior powers.  Superior powers that will make them stronger, more flexible more inclined to smile a lot (they will be very happy HSEA's)  

In the year 2021 the final phase in the new evolution will begin. Each person will receive in the mail (probably along with their canvassing literature for their local council elections) an invitation to become a new super person. They will for a few years have been indoctrinated about the new evolution and how wonderful this will be for the human race.

Now it was not noticed (nobody really cared) but the Order had around the year 1700 surreptitiously introduced the idea that human people had originally been frogs, hence the story of the Princess and the frog.  However school children soon unearthed the truth - that it was just a fairy tale.  Someone in the order got very worried because they knew they wanted to create these super human beings but the world was not ready for them yet, and if introduced to soon some countries would go to war against the HSEA's.

After all up until quite recently the trend had been to increase the human race and do everything to stop it from dying out.  This idea had been programmed in at the source.  So the new idea was to skip the frog theory and go straight back to the soup or frog spawn idea.  So the world was primed to accept the new breed of people, half man half computer, they would accept it as evolution and just be bloody glad the thing didn't make a big bang that would deafen everyone.  So now are you ready to be invited into the huge game of evolution?  You will be made to feel superior - and you will be superior and you will be a member of the order to boot.  Of course you will have to boot up every morning and log off yourself every evening.

Thursday, 21 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Accountants

The order knows that there is too much conflict to be had with accountants in their ranks. They have done a very good study on what kind of people should and should never join the ranks of their order, and they have concluded that accountants are generally very inflictive people. They are not going to have the discipline to become proper agents for the order. There is no doubt that some people can be an exception to this rule, but generally they do not meet the requirements to be in the organization.

There is too much that needs to be changed in the way accountants are educated if they ever want to become part of the order ranks. We maintain a very strict recruitment system and there are many other professions that we also consider to be problematic. The funny thing is that some professions that are considered socially unacceptable are ok with us.

Wednesday, 20 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Aliens

Senior members of the order had for some years used their intergalactic powers to communicate with alien worlds.  Some they found to be inferior to ours and other much more advanced.  They considered what made up the definition of inferior intelligence and what could be comprehended superior intelligence in an alien environment.  They needed a certain criteria because if what they deemed inferior was actually a condition of danger to our world it would have to be stopped.  On the other hand superior aliens might well wish and be able to do harm to humans on earth.  Some argued that being inferior the aliens could come and be very aggressive and uncivilized or being inferior might mean that they did not have the knowledge of how to come here at all.  A superior race of aliens could have the wherewithal to come to earth but on arriving might in fact take over and lord it over the order, who would not really appreciate being usurped especially by people with long wobbly necks and huge eyes.

The order discussed this problem for days, weeks and even years.  They could never seem to reach a conclusion which situation was to be feared and which was to be encouraged as an advantage to earth.  Unbeknown to the order a number of alien races had decided to make a pit stop on earth on their way to the outer realm of the farthest galaxy.  They would take a quick peek at the blue planet sort it out and motor on to more important destinations.

A signal was sent from one of the motherships’ to earth and was intercepted by the order.  When the information was relayed to all the members there was great consternation.  Some held the opinion that this was the end of earth while other wanted a flute band and a bonfire lit to guide the spaceships in and welcome them.  

Meetings were called by the directors and heads of the order.  Smaller meetings were held in the local pubs and at the local farmer's market.  Arguing and fighting broke out all over the world as to whether or not a superior alien would be more preferable to an inferior alien.  In the end it was decided to ask them.  So the order sent up a message asking them it they considered themselves inferior or superior.  Well, that put the cat among the pigeons.  Apparently the aliens had been fighting for years over this very definition of who was the inferior alien and who was the superior race.  In the ensuing conversation between them, war broke out and they blasted each other out of the sky and this is how the order stopped an alien invasion.

Tuesday, 19 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Pizza

Can you imagine a time without pizza?  Well believe it or not there was a time when the world functioned very well without that large flat expanse of half baked bread covered with cheese numerous bits of factory left overs and tomato sauce.  People were quite satisfied with their fish and chips on a Saturday night, and in fact this was so much part of the Englishman's life that the practice was often denounced from the pulpit as the local minister on his way home from Evensong would meet wee Jamie tearing round the corner to the local chip shop clutching a ten bob note for the family to be fed on their weakly fish and chips doused with tomato sauce.  Ah no the minister would say this is not the way to feed your family. The little ones need something more nutritious than fish and chips. 

The tomato sauce was actually a new introduction to the Englishman's fare.  HP sauce was the first sauce produced and it had a good hearty tang that froze one side of your tongue, it was the Italians that first introduced the tomato sauce to dear old England.  As the Englishman became more and more keen on this particular sauce the Italians had to grow more and more tomatoes.  Then came the Second World War and the because the Italians were fighting on the wrong side England refused to accept any more of their tomato sauce.  We'll grow our own they said.  Grow for England was the slogan.  The English weather did little to help them accomplish their goal.

Meanwhile in Italy war or no war they were still growing their tomatoes.  Tons of them.  Until there was such a haul of them that something had to be done.  Meetings were held all over Italy as tomatoes were left in huge piles in the shops and rotted on the vine. Things were getting desperate, the Italians would have to find a way of using those bloody tomatoes!  Enter the saviors of the day - the Soveriegn Order of Monte Cristo.   The director that year happened to have 45 tomato farms and the rings were taking up every shed, and speed bedroom, heck they were even under his own bed and in all 27 loos in his very large house. 

After a great deal of thought he realized he must find a way to get the Italian people to eat huge amounts of tomato sauce.  Yes you've guessed it.  He can up with the Pizza!  And now to crown it all he has the English eating them too.

Monday, 18 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Horse racing

Sammy Bell wanted to join the order for a few years.  He knew a few people in the order and thought that he could enhance their esteem if they would let him enter their ranks.  However the Order was giving him the cold shoulder and no matter how much he passed out brown envelopes (usually used by the Irish for bribing positions) he could make no impression on them at all.  What he didn't know was that it was Sammy's name that was the problem.

You see the order was full of only the most precious fellows and with a name like Sammy they were not going to lower their standards.   Eventually Sammy discovered what the problem was.  It was his wife actually that first unearthed Sammy's persona non grata situation.  She herself hated the name Sammy and always insisted on calling her husband Samuel.  It was in the fishmongers one day that the truth came out.  She was talking to Leonora Upton wife of Clarence Upton about her husband Samuel and how he had just purchased the finest steep in Europe.  Two things happened to advance Sammy's cause.  Firstly Mrs. Leonra Upton mentioned that the name Samuel was much more acceptable to the Order and she wondered why Sammy's wife hadn't thought of it before now.

The other was that Leonora every the proud show off mentioned that her husband, head of the local branch of the order had himself just purchased the best horse in Europe.  Lenora was sure that Sammy's horse must be inferior.  When Sammy heard the tale he was furious.  Round he went straight away to the overbearing Clarence Upton to take issue with him - not about as you might think about his name being unwelcome in the higher ranks of the order. No Sammy was very angry that Clarence would consider his horse better than Sammy’s.

Anyway between the gigs and the reels (Irish saying meaning a lot of talk and goings on in which people discuss stuff, usually over a drink or tea and scone)  they decided to pit one horse against the other.  Sammy bet that his horse could outrun Clarence’s horse and if he did they would have to accept the superior owner to the order.  They decided to race the horses on Thursday.  On Friday Sammy was accepted in the Dublin branch of the order. This was the beginning of an annual event that the order never really got the credit and recognition for.

Friday, 15 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Demons

Over the last few years it has been reported by the media on a number of occasions the new phenomenon of sink holes appearing in the earth’s crust.  One poor man and his bed disappeared into the abyss never to be seen again in the United States of America.  A young lass in England came out one morning and began to cry because her car had been swallowed up by their driveway.  Apparently the driveway had acquired an insatiable appetite for metal.  Their rubbish bin had gone missing the week before.  Now this was child's play to what happened next.

In Russia a vast chasm opened up in the earth and when the people gathered around to gaze into its unending depths they could hear howling and cursing and swearing and terrible lamenting. Some even heard the hashing of teeth (of bible origin).  HELL.  There I've said it.  It was the opening to hell.  At least that's what the Russians said.  You can experience this awful terrifying experience for yourself on YouTube where they have for posterity posted the actual sound of the unfortunate souls languishing in HELL (actually I think it sounds more like an underground railways station myself).  But the order did not agree with me.

Apparently they had inside information that HELL exists and it had just opened - in Russia of all places.  Now they had a big, big problem.  Telling Russia that they were the proud owners of the gate to HELL would not go down well and could in fact start World War III.  This had to be handled with discernment.  The problem was exacerbated when people began to report that malignant black contorted animals were crawling up out of the huge hole in the ground.  Putin was called to have a look and decided that they were good communists and should therefore be helped as much as possible to spread across the earth.

What better way to defeat your enemies than to hound them with invisible demons.  The order was now very worried.  They realized they would be able to close that hole with a well-placed rocket.  All of Russia filmed the rocket as it crossed the sky - the world watched on the nightly news and for days and weeks on YouTube the mysterious rocket shooting across the Russian sky.  No one knew the order had arranged this peaceful way of closing hell and stopping them from taking over.

Thursday, 14 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Medusa

Perseus was one of the founding members, human anyway, of the order and had managed to gather quite a few strong hero-like figures around him. The order was growing and was looked up to by the local people.  Perseus had grand hopes for the extension of the order into all parts of the world and with this in mind he canvassed all the towns and villages in Greece to be considered their champion and protector.  Soon he had a sizable army and they would travel all over the country sorting out problems and bringing to justice any criminal activity.  Greece was a happy place to be.

The order flourished and it looked like it might well expand over all the earth.  Then one day when the order were traveling along the sea shore Perseus realized that he had forgotten to take along a spare set of undies.  Embarrassed he doubled back without telling any of his comrades.  Well lo and behold while he was away, out of this sea comes this Medusa character. As ugly as sin and having an extremely bad hair day she was a formidable enemy.

The long and the short of it was they were all massacred. Not one was left. Perseus returned to the beach and found the order extinct except for himself. People began to gather on the beach and mumbling under their breath that Perseus must have ran away and that he was a coward. Perseus was too ashamed to reveal the real reason he had been absent when the attack took place. Persues, as is well documented in history traveled to the United Emirates and got himself new members of the order, filling them with revenge for their comrades at the hands or should I say the hair of Medusa.  So although Perseus gets the credit for the killing of this brute ugly woman he had a lot of help from the order.

Tuesday, 12 August 2014

Giveaways of the Order - School Spirit

The order feels all humans should get the best when it comes to school. At some point humans can only get smarter, right? So the order decided to join in on this great school spirit giveaway. Lots to win for big kids and small ones to!

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Welcome to an event celebrating all things school related from supplies and gear to sports pride and activities/events and more.  This includes getting ready for the first day for pre-schoolers through dorm room and college prep!

Stories of The Order - Comic Books

The need to create a good outlet for people to use their imagination has always been there. This is why the order decided to come up with a cost effective way to entertain people, one that they could pretty much take anywhere and enjoy reading in any location. The stories that have come up ever since the very first publications are actually all inspired in some way by events that happen within the ranks of the order.

There are obviously a lot of fantastic stories and super powers that are not real, but this really helps to add even more stimulation to the imagination of the people that read them. The purpose of this has clearly worked because the new generations that have read comics since childhood are extremely creative minds that have already joined the ranks of the order. We plan to continue recruiting those who have the most powerful imaginations.

Monday, 11 August 2014

Stories of The Order - Grammar

It has come to the attention of the order that we have not been speaking properly when telling stories to the feeble human mind, in some cases. Grammar Nazis, a definition for those with a clenched rectal mass, have bombarded the order with questions.

What humans and other beings must realize is the language of the order is so far beyond human comprehension that it must be dumbed down a lot. So some things get lost in translation along the way. English, Spanish, Dutch, whatever language you humans have supposedly made up through out the years, does not hold a candle to the language used by the order. We can't even say its name in any language that you will understand.

The only member of the order that has been successful at conversing with the feeble human mind has been the Holy Ghost Writer in their many works. The order does not know how, but it seems the Holy Ghost Writer understands the feeble human mind. So the next time a grammar mistake is seen in our stories know we try to stoop down to mankind's level, it is just an impossible task sometimes.

Friday, 8 August 2014

Stories of The Order - Time Travel

Time traveling was become a very serious problem and the order new this. The situation had to be stopped and the future of humanity depended on it. Irresponsible time traveling created more than 4 scenarios of apocalyptic proportions. The biggest problem with time travel is that there I no way to know when there will be success in coming back from the past or the future. The one thing that we can safely say is that we have shut down all time travel activities until further notice.

We have the greatest minds studying the traveling in order to make it possible to travel without affecting the past or future by creating an invisible traveler that is not going to have any impact on the environment or the actions of others. The slightest changes can turn into the biggest problems and that is why time travel has been banned until this is fixed.

Thursday, 7 August 2014

Stories of The Order - Technology

Have you seen the latest gadgets that are coming out lately? The robots, the glasses, the bendable smart phones, etc. There is no question that technology has been moving forward more much more aggressively now than ever before. We are living in a completely different world now and the technological advances are occurring way too fast, which indicates to us that we need to stop releasing so much due to how dangerous it is for people to be able to work with technology that they can’t handle. It has started to be used for more criminal activity than good.

We will probably wait a few years to unveil newer technology and at least a couple of decades for the truly hardcore breakthroughs that would probably be used in a terrible way if they came out today. There are inventions that you wouldn’t even imagine and you have never even seen in Sci-Fi.

Wednesday, 6 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Holy Grail

The Holy Grail is real and the order had to remove it to a safe location due to how many governments and warlords wanted to have it in their possession. The truth is that this grail holds a power that goes beyond the paranormal and this is the reason why the order made sure that it was concealed and placed in completely safety. The security of the grail is so tight that you wouldn’t even be able to know for sure if you had found the real one.

There are a total of 10 replicas of the Holy Grail and they are all hidden in safes that are protected with extreme security. All of this investment had to be done in order to ensure that the real grail is never found and ends up in the wrong hands. There have been numerous attempts made by quite a few groups of highly skilled criminals and government agents, but we assure you that even James Bond would fail to retrieve the actual grail from the location it has been taken to.

Tuesday, 5 August 2014

Stories of the Order - Roswell

Society has a huge obsession with Alien life forms and this makes perfect sense because we are part of a universe that is just too vast and mysterious not to hold any other intelligent life in it. We have seen plenty of movies depicting the way that aliens actually look and to be honest some of them have been influenced directly by the information we have given to movie directors. We are not going to say which movies have the most accurate version of what they actually look like, but we can assure you that they are not fearsome or scary at all.

The Roswell incident has been well documented and there is indeed a large number of UFO’s safely hidden on our planet.  There are some alien aircrafts that are so complex and large that we have been forced to construct all kinds of underground labs to make sure there is room for all of them.

Monday, 4 August 2014

Breathe in and out

Called the toilet breather. Exactly what one would be breathing I am not sure. We may be better off not having any air at all.

Friday, 1 August 2014

Stories of The Order - Bible

There is a question that everyone in the world asks and no one has an answer to. This obviously the question of how the universe came to be and if there is a god that watches over us. The truth is that the order itself is not aware of this and that is the ultimate riddle. We do know that there are several hundred people in the world who have claimed to be the messiah and unfortunately we have to inform the world of the fact that most of them didn’t even exist and those who did actually came to play this role under the supervision of the order. The bible is the ultimate way to keep humanity from destroying itself.

If we had no fear of eternal damnation we would be in total chaos because humans are the only creatures in the planet that want more than what they need. This is reason enough for them to be flawed beyond repair and the bible keeps the chaos at reasonable levels. The problem is that day by day more people are waking up to realized it was all written for the purpose of control and that there is no divine intervention in it.