Thursday, 3 July 2014

Stories of the Order - Mind Control

The Sovereign Order controls everything you think. You’re disagreeing with the notion right now, see. We already knew you would be skeptical, because we allow skepticism to infiltrate your mind’s eye. You’re shaking your head at the notion, that’s ok, we control that too. If we truly revealed all the ways we control you, your head would explode like in our movie “Scanners”, which we created to show you what happens when you try to defeat us. Not to mention our film, “They Live”, in which we satirized how we are controlling you. We handpicked Roddy Piper for the role, as a way to test whether or not he was worthy of joining The Order. He wasn’t. You’re not either. 

We control your mind through everything you like. That hoodie you’re wearing, our design. The thin television you watch sports on? You guessed it, we already own you. Don’t have a television? You’re lying. Really, you don’t? Crap. I mean, no we knew that already. 

We control your thoughts in very nuanced fashion. Hate Lebron James? Want the Spurs to win? We made him move to Miami. We also shut down the air conditioning in San Antonio, solidifying your hate for him when he was carried off the court like a baby. It’s not just pop culture either. We pull the strings of all belief systems, in politics. Hate government? Meet our puppet Alex Jones. Love government, meet our puppet Obama. 

The reason why we are disclosing these facts is simple, we’re throwing you a bone. Every now and again we throw you information to see if you’ll bite, and right when you nod your head we pull the choke chain. Just when you think you have an independent thought, you forget that you’ve already signed off your rights, it’s in the fine print of the terms of service to your phone. Yeah, we own telecom too. 

We’ve taken over, deal with it.


  1. the fine print on the phone knew i shoulda read that....smiles.

  2. The order are becoming smart arses haha

  3. The order really has it out for us

  4. I don't mind Lebron James. I do have Eli Manning confusion though. I thought he was such a baby in the draft (I know, everyone disagrees with me), and I thought his tactic wasn't fair to get on the team he wanted to be on. To me that kind of behavior defeats the purpose of the draft. But he does so many good things, and he is a good role model...and I'm starting to come around. See, mind confusion. :) No worries though, we're Detroit Lions fans here (and Pistons if we're talking basketball), so I've got bigger things to worry about (like Suh). ;)

  5. How does the Order have time to be so controlling, plus invent so many things? It's blowing my mind!

  6. Could The Order control my mind to not like sweets so much. I'd like to lose a few pounds before our vacation this fall.